It’s Just James…The Drummer!
I am 4th generation Pentecostal Apostolic church girl. (this isn’t the flex I used to think it was) I have been a Pastor’s Kid for the past 34 years. My childhood was filled with weeknight prayer services, revivals, conferences and prayer breakfasts. I can’t forget about the tent revivals and visiting the churches my daddy was running a revival for or the women’s conferences my mother hosted yearly. When my friends were sneaking off going to the teen clubs, drinking, or hanging out with their friends I was not invited because I was the “church girl”. The invitation was quickly revoked because my parents didn’t believe in that nor did they know the friends parents so that was an immediate absolutely not. Honestly in hindsight I’m thankful for it. I grew up in a strict and very judgmental environment from my parents to my extended family. My church village was filled with family and close family friends, so no one ever was silent about telling me to stay close to God and away from the traps of the enemy. These traps often looked like being friends with people who didn’t believe like us, dress like us or attend the same church services as us. The fear of God (damnation & conviction) was the driving force to keep me in line. In hindsight it wasn’t accountability it was a way to instill fear of crossing the line. A line that was deemed holy to the standards given by the pastor, leader and church mothers.
It has taken me many years to navigate what was truth over what wasn’t. I realized that the teaching was harmful for a young girl like me. I had to overcome to much personally by taking a step back to reflect, evaluate, spend time praying for myself to acknowledge what I was taught was steeped in fear, cultish behaviors and bad theology. Choosing to walk the often “forbidden path” of therapy I learned I needed to unlearn so much. My therapy paired with prayer and journaling has lead me down a path where I have learned to love God while choosing to untangle myself from the foolery. I lived so much of my life attempting to people please, checking the boxes to meet the standard of the church to make it known that I walked with God. I never had a desire or did follow the 12 step plan of the church to look and be saved according to their standards. Choosing to step away from that type of living has been scary, it’s been lonely especially when everyone else you grew up with follows that path. What is mind-blowing sometimes is watching your parents walk the journey with you as well. Realizing that a lot of what you believed has changed and evolved over time.I’m telling you it is a complete mental overload that changes you.
Over the years my prayer has always been for discernment and wisdom. I love the story of Solomon asking God for this as he ruled as king. More than anything I want to be able to see what can’t be seen with the natural eye. In my opinion it helps in navigating all things in this life. I have never been the girl who wanted to do the same thing as everyone else. Even the trendy sayings irks my soul when everyone is saying it. “Rip me out the plastic.” “Clocks tea.” along with every other trendy quote…no thank you.
Much like the quotes I don’t like standing in line doing the same thing as everyone else. While it is amazing we see so many people starting to walk with God, have the Bible studies it seems like there is having a relationship with Jesus is trendy now. All across social media I see so many things that give me a bit of pause, sparks my discernment in a way that tells me, “Ummm…I don’t know about this one.” That commentary normally stays in my group chats and journal. There was one video though that really pushed me to the keyboard to share my own thoughts on the matter. Credit to the creator,@itsmelmitch on Instagram for this very real, candid and true take. Another trendy quote… “She ate and left no crumbs.” Whew that irks me to even type that.
Now this is no knock to those who are really out there uplifting the people, leading them to God in a real way. What this is, is an observation of what we have seen over the years with a lot of the ladies truly and simply wanting a husband. I have literally unfollowed, muted the girls who used to have tail in the air, now they are trying to tell us all how to live for God. Telling us that we are going to hell because we are not highlighting our bibles while they are doing it all just to get who? James…the drummer.
What I am beginning to see is that people want to rebrand themselves covered in Jesus. The question becomes is this really you or is it an act? People start out on their journey without Jesus in mind or even at the forefront of their “content” or what they are posting going in the opposite direction of Jesus. When things don’t pan out the way they hoped for they circle back to the Jesus plan. All of a sudden we are now seeing the them starting conferences or an empowerment brunch. Is this really who you are or is this event a way to make a quick money grab? How did I come to that conclusion? It’s simple…you only hosted this event twice, with nothing else you have ever done after is similar to this. You do this event to pivot you to the next big venture. Showing us your routine of getting ready to go to church only for a few months then you are back doing what you really do, be mean! Like my girl said in the video your rebrand to Jesus becomes an act. It’s a common patten of the “girlies” standing in line for church. Making us feel like they are doing things “right” while we have gone astray. After thinking about it a bit I realize these girlies didn’t grow up like me. They didn’t have to undo themselves from the harmful expectations, lies that were told and realizing that everything we did to prove ourselves was never needed. It feels like they are creating this buzz and checkboxes for the younger generation to partake in. I don’t like it at all.
After a while the masks will fall, the camera will pan to an empty room, folks meet you in person to find out that you really are a mean girl. I completely understand people are on their own journey in life with God it is so easy to see most are doing it so that they can marry, James…the drummer. As stated in the video its all and act. When you act you have to keep acting. You have to continue to play the role.
How terrible is that to live a life simply playing a role unable to truly be yourself? Part of the reason I created Girl Be You was to make space for girls and women like me who struggled to learn to just be themselves. Not for the people, not for the likes, views or the following. I created the space to build community so we wouldn’t have to live from the space of acting, the space of doing the things others said we should do. We need to learn how to be okay if we don’t check the boxes, don’t host the conferences, don’t believe the way we are told to believe. We have to be okay if we choose to live the life that is best suited for you that God created you to live. In my humble opinion I don’t believe the life he has for you is to act just to get married to James..the drummer. I hope in an effort to be more authentic to yourself you find a lane that isn’t doused in a checklist to complete. That you show up for Jesus and yourself as yourself without any pretenses. I just believe Jesus loves us so much that he wants the real US to live our best lives without all the acting!